Community Centered

A shared story or narrative. Mutual location, interests, values or beliefs. Communities shape our identities as well as giving us a sense of belonging. They can help to form our perspectives and make us feel closer to people around the world. As humans, we have a basic need for connection. An article on APA (American Psychological Association) PsycNet states “The proposed definition of a sense of community has 4 elements: membership, influence, integration and fulfillment of needs, and shared emotional connection.”

The amount of people who are a part of social media communities has significantly grown since 2016. As of May 2023, there are 1.8 billion people who are a part of tens of millions of Facebook groups. User surveys and engagement shows that out of these 1.8 billion, 400 million users find their groups meaningful. These groups have 70 million administrators or moderators, and 58% of those who responded to surveys say that one of the top qualities of these groups is having effective leaders. Also, 50% of users are a part of 5 or more groups.

When we take a look at ourselves, and how we as individuals make up the communities we belong to, I think we will find that there are diminishing returns relating to the amount of people we actually have a relationship with, in regards to having a real connection. Dunbar’s Number, based on a 1993 study conducted by British anthropologist Robin Dunbar, theorizes that humans could have no more than 150 meaningful relationships. Since then, researchers have dismissed this notion as it lacks empirical support. However, let us look at what his theory concludes:

• 1500 - The number of people we can name and recognize

• 500 - The number of acquaintances we keep

• 150 - The number of stable relationships we maintain (Dunbar’s Number)

• 15 - The number of close friends we trust

• 5 - Our best friends and closest support group

Dunbar says “What determines these layers in real life, in the face-to-face world…is the frequency at which you see people. You’re having to make a decision every day about how you invest what time you have available for social interaction, and that’s limited.”

After being diagnosed with ESRD (End Stage Renal Disease) in 2017, from being on dialysis to my kidney transplant in 2018, through all the ups and downs, especially since the rejection of my transplanted kidney in February 2021, I have a better insight into the people in my life, they kind of people I want in my life, and the communities I belong to. I realize now who is in my inner circle and who is not. Initially, there were a multitude of people who once they found out about my situation, reached out and gave their well wishes. After those interactions, that number began to shrink. There are people who I thought I was very close to, who did not reach out at all. Conversely, there are people who were acquaintances at best in my opinion, who continually contacted me, and still do. Now, I did not make this easy as there were so many days where I refused to see or speak to anyone. Times when calls, texts, and online messages were completely disregarded as I was not in any condition, physically or mentally, to interact with others. There were also occasions where I reached out and there was no response. I have learned through this journey that when you do not have anything to offer but yourself, people often do not have time or better yet, make time for you.

And yes, there are still times when I will not answer a phone call or choose not to attend a social function I have been invited to. The reason is not the same as before. It is not always because I do not want to speak to someone or be around people. It is because I now understand how limited and valuable my time is. I know that I have to prioritize what is best for me and my health, physical and mental, and therefore, everything else comes after. How I utilize my energy is more calculated. I make decisions on what I choose to do and where I go based on what is important to me, not others. You cannot be everything to everybody and therefore, I have made a conscious effort to shrink my circle. If this seems like a selfish approach, it is. I have learned that self-care is paramount.

This new perspective led to the creation of this newsletter. It has given me the purpose I now have to be an active part of the kidney community. To support those who are living with CKD, transplant patients, and to share with others my thoughts and experiences on health and wellness, kidney or otherwise. Raising awareness for these things, the importance of organ donation, mental health and well-being. Being an advocate on the issues faced by those like me. These are things I now choose to prioritize. Not materialism or the ideology of status fueled by ego I once had. Being consumed by what others thought of me or thinking how people look at me actually matters.

I now have learned to set boundaries. I no longer feel it necessary to do things because other people deem it an obligation, nor do I spend time with, speak to, or communicate with people I do not wish to. If people have an issue with my perspective, that is their problem. I make an effort to see or at least communicate with those I care about, even if it is only to give a health update or forward a meme on social media. Because I am more selective, I am now truly grateful for those I am lucky enough to spend my time with. I enjoy quality time spent with friends and family over a meal. A phone conversation with someone miles away even if it is just to say hello. Sitting and laughing with loved ones about some of the great times we have shared. Conversations, virtual or otherwise, with fellow kidney patients, organ donors, and with volunteers and members of various kidney and organ donation focused organizations as we share stories and discuss topics that affect our community. These are the moments I cherish and why I hold those in my circle, those in my communities, close to my heart. And I am better because of it.

Who is in your circle? Which communities are you a part of? Are the people you choose to spend your time with aligned with what your vision is, what your goals in life are? Chances of being happy or not, living a healthy or unhealthy lifestyle, and whether or not you grow as a person are influenced by those closest to you. Are you where you belong?

LOPA - Louisiana Organ Procurement Agency

LOPA is the organ procurement organization for Louisiana. For more than 30 years, LOPA has helped save lives, restore health, and enhance medical care through organ and tissue donation. A nonprofit organization, LOPA service’s Louisiana’s diverse community by supporting families through tragic loss, during the donation process, and along their grief journey. The team is passionate about sharing the impact of donation and educating professionals in the community. LOPA’s Core Purpose is Making Life Happen.

The Core Values of LOPA are:

• Selfless

• Authentic

• Passionate

The Strategic Anchors of LOPA are:

• Innovation

• Our People

• Relationships

“Committed to equity, diversity, and inclusion because we believe all voices deserve to be heard. Our dedication to service our diverse community starts internally. To give our best externally, we must value our differences and the time to educate ourselves

• By encouraging the contributions of others, valuing their unique experiences and perspectives, and striving for equitable treatment - you are selfless.

• By sharing your own unique experiences and perspectives - you are authentic.

• By devoting yourself in commitment to equity, diversity, and inclusion - you are passionate.

• Equity, diversity, and inclusion are vital to our success, enabling innovation by empowering our people and strengthening our relationships.”

To learn more about this amazing organization, register to be an organ donor, sign up to volunteer for LOPA as I have, or to contribute, please visit lopa.org.

LOPA Trail Run

On Sunday, October 29th, LOPA hosted their 10th annual Trail Run. More than $30,000 was raised and over 400 people were in attendance to honor heroes, their families, and those who have received the Gift of Life while bringing the community closer together. It was a day of hope, memories, love, and the journey of healing. On behalf of LOPA, THANK YOU to everyone who made this year’s event a success. We look forward to seeing you next year!

Mental Health Moment

None of us want to be alone, and more importantly, none of us ever want to feel alone. Whether your fear of being alone stems from the past, the lack of self-love, or social conditioning, it is something that has to be worked on as this can lead to mental health issues or physical illness.

There are steps that can be taken as coping mechanisms for loneliness. These include:

• Practicing Gratitude - At the end of each day, write down three things, no matter how large or small that happened during the day for which you are grateful.

• Pursue and Participate - Follow your passion or discover a new hobby by joining a social group or sports league. Take part in an activity that will occupy your mind and make better use of your energy.

• Connecting With Yourself - Asking yourself questions such as “Am I being true to myself’, “Am I doing things in line with my values?”, and “What have I done for myself today?” can lead to better habits and make you more comfortable with who you are. We are all unique and time spent alone with these internal conversations can also increase self-esteem. Solitude and loneliness are not the same.

Please remember, I am not a medical professional, nor is any of this medical advice. I am just out here living A Kidney Life.